Three Charizards, a Ginger, and a Girl OneShot
by Secondhand Radio
Summary: What happens when a nerdy kid is suddenly in the possession of more than one Charizard? Read on to find out...


**Hello everyone,**

** This story is something a little bit different, it is a story that takes place in the real world, during, in my opinion, the height of Pokémon Card fandom. It is about ****Pokémon Card**s, as well as some other things. Anyways, I sincerely hope I don't get in trouble for posting this in an inappropriate category, I just thought it might be a story that many of us share.  


**I hope you enjoy it,  
**

**Secondhand Radio  
**

Three Charizards, a Ginger, and a Girl.

In a time before Yu Gi Oh, Beyblades, Webkinz, those stupid mini skateboards, Bratz, Furbies, and Crocs. A time when Game Boys had only just been colourized and there was only a 151 Pokémon, with a new generation of a 100 new Pokémon looming in the near future. Specifically, this tale takes place in the summer and fall of 2000, I had only recently turned 12, still ravenous in my passion for collecting and battling with Pokémon Trading Cards, and was about to learn some cold hard truths about the world.

It all started during summer holidays, a time when we savage adolescents are released ungoverned into the greater world beyond. In an effort to earn more allowance, for much desired Pokémon Cards, I had taken on more household chores. One of these chores I had been blessed with was cleaning up our front yard after our family's dog. Standing in the blazing hot sun of mid-august on a lawn full of melting boiling dog shit, I saw him.

On his shiny new red BMX bike, he gently glided into the turn at the top of the street. The bike's rider was Patrick O'Brian a classmate of mine. Patrick was your typical ginger kid, he was skinny, with bright flame coloured hair, and pale skin that seemed to be entirely covered by freckles. Patrick had puzzled me, and most of the other guys our age, by getting the local paper route. I mean yeah sure we were all desperate for money, but to go and get a three hundred house paper route seemed insane to rest of us. Let me give you a bit of context here with a three hundred house paper route Patrick had to get up at five in the morning everyday to stuff three hundred fliers, that looked as though every colour imaginable had been vomited all over them, into three hundred newspapers. Newspapers that leave ink stains all over your arms and hands. Then he had to wrap all three hundred flier stuffed newspapers with thick rubber elastic bands, that if not carefully applied could snap back and take out an eye leaving you looking like some dork with a lazy eye that needs correcting. Finally he would actually have to deliver all three hundred newspapers to three hundred different houses. On his bike. No sir, paper routes were not for me, I valued my sleep, morning cartoons, and most of, all, my eyeballs. Both of them.

He threw an elastic bound, flier stuffed, newspaper onto my front lawn unintentionally hitting a giant pile of dog shit that had, due to the summer heat, become semi-liquefied; Patrick friendly said.

"Hey Jake."

I was able to nod back at Patrick before he continued on to the next house leaving me once again standing on my front lawn surrounded by dog shit. Summer wore on in much the same way as that day, I would wake up clean up dog shit, watch cartoons, and go visit my friend Harlow, who lived just a few houses down from me.

Harlow was a year younger than me and we shared many of the same interests, except for Nascar. For some strange reason Harlow, and his dad, loved Nascar almost to the verge of ridiculousness. I mean the two of them, if given a number, could tell you who drove the car adorned with such number, the driver's sponsor, and even the position the driver had in every race in the last five years. However like I said with the exception of Nascar we were pretty similar kids we both loved Pokémon, Star Wars, mountain biking, and this ridiculous movie that was a remake of Alexandre Dumas' classic novel The Three Musketeers.

One change that came from the summer of 2000 was a new friend for Harlow and I. His name was Todd. Todd was another guy I knew of from school. I say knew of because despite he and I being in the same grade and one year class, during recess and lunch he and this other dude, Sam, would fade off into some unknown region of the schoolyard and talk about stuff. What I always imagined them talking about was quantum physics or long winded biographies of historical figures, but at some point during the summer I would find out all they were really discussing was various Sci-Fi novels, Monty Python sketches, and like most other kids Pokémon. But I am getting ahead of myself before I could learn all these things Harlow and I had to meet Todd.

The day Harlow and I met first met Todd, as a friend, was only a day, or two, after the day mid-august that I recalled for you earlier. Harlow and I were walking back from a local hobby shop with freshly opened booster packs of mint Pokémon cards, undamaged by the many inspections from their owners.

You see booster packs were these random eight card packs that were the shit. Aside from under glass counters wrapped in thick plastic, with large price tags, booster packs were the only place where you had the chance to find super rare and powerful Pokémon and Item cards at a reasonable price. Let me give you an example. I got my most prized card, a metallic Venusaur card, which was worth eighty-five dollars in a ten-dollar booster pack. There was another thing about booster packs, they were the only way to obtain the single card that every kid coveted, the fully evolved form of the fire lizard pokémon Charmander, the single most powerful card created up to that point. The Charizard card. They might as well have called Charizard cards Golden Tickets, I mean these things really were golden tickets and booster packs were their Wonka Bars.

On the day Harlow and I met Todd we were, like I said, walking home from a local hobby shop. Each with our meager booster packs. Discussing what it must've been like for a rich kid to collect Pokémon Cards, we figured it would be like that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You know. The one where that rich girl's dad has all his factory employees opening cases of Wonka Bars in search of a single Golden Ticket, well we figured it was like that only instead of Wonka Bars it was booster packs and instead of a Golden Ticket they would be looking for Charizard cards. Don't get me wrong we both realized there were more Charizard cards than Golden Tickets, but with our budgets they may as well have been Golden Tickets. Harlow was, in particular, feeling hopeless after he found that his booster pack contain five energy cards, a Farfetch'd, Tangela, and Machop; all super common cards. So common in fact that I don't think any were even worth a single dollar. When we were only a few houses down from Harlow's place, his whines, complaints, and pleads for me to trade him a card I had gotten, were interrupted by soft male voice to our right.

"I like Farfetch'd," said the voice. "Farfetch'd are cool, everyone forgets about them and they don't evolve. That makes them cool."

When Harlow and I turned to our right we were surprised to see only a single girl, Jocelyn, standing in the driveway of a house that wasn't hers and oddly enough beside a flimsy crappy plastic outdoor table that was at some point in time white but by then had been covered by years of dirt. I remember thinking it odd that an outdoor table traditionally for a backyard was out front in someone's driveway. As if reading our thoughts Jocelyn sighed heavily and with her hand over the table pointed downwards indicating the origin of the voice. Harlow and I looked at one another, then at Jocelyn who was looking less than impressed, then together Harlow and I ducked to look under the table.

What we found was a skinny pale kid with dark greasy hair wearing an oversized T-shirt, tattered jeans, and a pair of round glasses so thick they could have been made from the bottoms of my dad's beer bottles, at least if they were clear and not that weird brown all beer bottles tend to be. Recognizing him from school I said.

"Hey Todd. You, uh, like Farfetch'd then?"

"Boy do I ever!" Responded Todd, in an oddly innocent and yet enthusiastic tone. "I'll trade you one of my Charmander cards for your Farfetch'd. I only have seven Farfetch'd cards right now I hope to get ten someday."

"Sure," said Harlow jumping at the chance to unload a Farfetch'd on some poor unsuspecting victim.

I remember looking up, while Todd removed a wad of warm sweaty Pokémon Cards from his jeans, to see Jocelyn walking into Todd's house calling to her mother.

"Mom! I'm bored. Todd and some other guys are just talking about stupid Pokémon Cards. Can we go already?"

At this point I pieced together that she had clearly been dragged to Todd's for some kind of pseudo play-date, which was really just a cover to allow their mothers to gossip over tea. However Jocelyn's pain brought Harlow and I a new friend. Sure Todd was a bit odd, please forgive me I couldn't resist, but Harlow and I soon adjusted to his rather eccentric ways and the three of us became fast friends. When I think about it Todd's full assimilation occurred when the three of us all watched the cheesy Three Musketeers remake, together. We would end up watching that movie together probably a hundred times more, to the point of it becoming a sort of language in of itself. Athos, Porthos, and Aramis all a few doors away from one another.

Eventually summer came to its inevitable end and, once again, we were all herded back into classrooms ruled by tyrannical spinsters, who had before years of endless stupidity and laziness, on the part of their students, genuinely loved children and the teaching of them. I was lucky this year Todd and I were put in the same class. To be honest it wasn't a huge surprise we had a fifty-fifty chance with there being only two grade six classes. There was another I was excited to share a class with, actually I was ecstatic, her name was Leia.

Leia was in my opinion the most beautiful girl in the entire school; she was perfect in everyway, even down to her name. Leia. Which for me, a Star Wars fan, was amazing. If you couldn't already tell, I had a huge, I'm talking massive, crush on her. During the summer I would often ride my, rusty old secondhand, BMX a few blocks to the complex she lived in, where I would, as an excuse to see her, have awkward conversations, about Pokémon and Pokémon Cards, with her younger brother. On good days Leia's brother would leave to let the two of us talk. Her brother was nice and all but those days were the best. I'm not afraid to admit I had many dreams where I was Han Solo, and she was of course Princess Leia, saving a galaxy far far away. In dreams driven more by pre-pubescent hormones, we were Han and Leia in that dinner scene from Empire Strikes Back, but instead of sitting quietly in fear we were busy making out, which pissed off both Darth Vader and Boba Fett who sat awkwardly in silence as they ate their food. At school Leia was apart of this female trio, consisting of Natalie D, Caitlin Schwartz, and of course Leia, they ruled the schoolyard. Although it was more Natalie D and Caitlin doing the ruling via psychological warfare, Leia seemed to tag along in an effort to be popular, it worked she was popular, but in my opinion, never seemed truly happy.

I should mention here that Natalie D was generally regarded as the most beautiful girl in school; I of course disagreed. Natalie D in all honesty, and I'm not trying to be mean here, was nothing to write home about, the key to her beauty was her developing boobs before all the other girls. For us pre-pubescent grade six boys boobs were amazing. They were all we saw on women, we had tunnel vision, heck Natalie D could have been a hideously deformed burn victim, but with those boobs of hers she still would've been considered the most beautiful girl in school. Now I don't want you to think that I had some sort of superiority complex, that I thought I was more sophisticated than the other boys for not adoring Natalie D, and her boobs. I will admit I stared at them on a few occasions.

I can't believe I'm writing this, but enough about boobs. For you see the return to school also provided us, mostly guys, the chance to test out new Pokémon strategies and show off the new Pokémon Cards we had all lovingly worked, or begged, for over the summer. I showed off the metallic first edition Zapdos I got in a booster pack sometime over the summer. While Todd living up to his strange reputation laughed and cackled over his ten, newly acquired, Farfetch'd cards, three of which were first editions. He would never let you forget that fact. Others, like John Li, showed off the Japanese cards he had gotten during a family vacation to the country or, Jasbeer Gill, who was extremely proud of his first edition Ninetails. But we would all, except for maybe Todd, admit to being thoroughly out done by Patrick O'Brian. You remember Patrick, the skinny ginger with the three-hundred house paper route; well that paper route had served him well. Over the summer he had gotten not one but two Charizard cards.

That's right I said two Charizard cards. Patrick may as well have been a god to us. His two Charizards were not only extremely rare, but also extremely powerful. When we brought our battling decks to school we all lost, and I mean we got our asses handed to us. Patrick had become an alpha male by way of Pokémon cards and as an alpha male Patrick was paired with the alpha female, Natalie D.

That's right Patrick, the skinny ginger kid, was soon dating Natalie D and her double D's. Now I know they weren't actually double D cup boobs, but as I mentioned earlier boobs were new to us and as far as we were concerned any boobs that were more then a couple of tiny bumps, that a fat guy might have, must've been double D's. We all watched from afar with jaws dropped as Patrick and Natalie D started dating. They held hands in the schoolyard and even kissed. On the lips. Unfortunately, Natalie D began to change Patrick, he was always a nice guy, but with a girlfriend he became more confident. He told us about the time Natalie let him touch her boobs. And soon enough, Patrick's confidence turned him into an asshole. He began making wild claims saying he deflowered Natalie D or had a three-way with Natalie and Caitlin. These claims were considered absurd by most, but a few believed Patrick and followed him. Harlow was, much to mine and Todd's disapointment, amongst Patrick's loyal followers.

Todd seemed to take Harlow's betrayal particularly hard, and together with Sam, schemed ways to defeat Patrick and his Charizard's, and honestly if you were able to look past their eccentric enthusiasm they had a good idea. They figured that if they made a battling deck consisting entirely of water pokémon, they could defeat Patrick, and the two of them figured that in the shame of his defeat Patrick would denounce his assholery and return back to the nice he kids he was. They called the deck Hydro. For the most part, I rooted for them, I didn't care for the new Patrick and the two of them were definitely tactically smart enough to do it, even if they only had mildly powerful water pokémon.

I did however have a moment where I actually started to feel bad for Patrick. It was in the fall I was riding home from Leia's complex, I had continued my visits past the summer break, when passing by our school I noticed Patrick sitting alone at the school's swing set, with his nice red BMX thrown carelessly to the ground. I rode up to edge of the playground, laid my bike on the grass, and walked over until I was just in front of him. Something was clearly wrong, he didn't even notice me, so I said.

"Hey man, you alright?"

"Oh. Hey Jake," responded Patrick, as he looked up with a face full of worry. "I'm fine."

"You look like you just got dumped," was all I could think of, to say.

"Well," Patrick paused, sadly I admit I was excited, I thought he was going to say he had just got dumped. Like I said Patrick was a nice enough guy before, I like Sam and Todd, thought just maybe that guy would return. "Natalie just told me that her cousin knows a guy, at his school, with three Charizard cards. And if I don't get a third she'll dump me."

"Dude," I said. "Just get a third one you've got that paper route. Just buy another one."

"That's the problem man. I'm still paying back my parents for the two Charizard cards they already got me. Every penny from my route goes to them."

"Oh," I responded, not knowing what else to say. The dude was royally screwed.

"I know how to get a third, but I'm worried," said Patrick as he broke the silence.

"How?"

"I heard about a Keeper who has a Charizard. If I battle him, and win, everything will be just fine."

I was shocked. I though Patrick was nuts, battling Keepers was bad news. You see Keepers were guys straight out of the Mos Eisley Cantina, they hung around the school's back dumpster. After a Keeper battle, winner took all. By which I mean you played for keeps, if you lost, you lost your deck. These guys were also just in general bad news; they consisted mostly of thugs who instead of earning their cards, stole them.

"But dude," I said. "If you lose-"

"I know," interrupted Patrick. "But the thing is Jake. I can't go back to the way things were. Being just another nerd."

You might think I should've been offended, he had just called me a nerd, but it was true we were all nerds. Most of us still are. At a certain point you become okay with it, embrace it.

Patrick got up from the swing and walked over to his bike, then before he rode away, he said.

"See ya around, Jake."

I felt that even Patrick knew his moment on top was pretty much over, but I give the guy credit he was willing to fight for his moment, well at least sort of fight.

After my run in with Patrick, at the school playground, a sudden palpable tension could be felt on the schoolyard. Things weren't right. It was odd to see Patrick bring his entire, three binder sized, Pokémon Card collection. Having insider information, I could see what the act meant, a desperate plea against the argument of being dumped. Despite this, Harlow and the rest of Patrick's personal Gestapo saw it as proof to further cement Patrick's supreme authority of the schoolyard. The whole act failed, Natalie D was clearly still unimpressed. Even worse for Patrick in the process of trying to impress Natalie D, he exposed every card he owned not only to Sam and Todd, who quickly devised so called brilliant strategies to counter every card in his arsenal, but to any and every Keeper spy as well. Like I said there was no greater wretched hive of scum and villainy than the Keeper. The space between two dumpsters on the east side of the schoolyard. There was no act too heinous for a Keeper, they would even stoop so low as to spy on an opponents deck. I'm not going to lie, by this point, I was actually starting to worry about Patrick. The dude was in deep.

A few days later, at school, our class was told in the following week there would be a school dance, for grades six and seven. I figured this would force Patrick to move up his battle with the Keeper. When I looked over at him and Natalie D, the tension was as thick as my dog's liquefied shit. Patrick had been given an ultimatum.

Todd and Sam were ecstatic; they had finally put the finishing touches on Hydro, and were prepared to obliterate Patrick in battle before the dance, for all to see. They called it their Endor, they fancied themselves as the Rebel Alliance and Patrick as Darth Vader and the Imperial Empire. Harlow, as a turncoat, was accused of being a Stormtrooper. I felt bad for the two of them; they would never get their Battle of Endor.

It was during one of my, by then, daily conversations with Leia's little brother I found out about Patrick. Natalie D and Caitlin had walked over to Leia's complex. They looked less than impressed. Leia awkwardly, and with a hint of remorse, asked them about Patrick and the third Charizard card, by this point I was ignoring Leia's brother's story, Natalie and Caitlin responded to Leia's question with.

"As if. Patrick is old news. I can't believe I dated him as long as I did."

"Yeah especially now that he has, like, zero Charizards," continued Caitlin.

"I like, can't believe I let him touch my boobs," responded Natalie.

Zero Charizards was all I needed; I figured the poor guy had been stupid enough to battle the Keeper and lost. I don't know why the next thing I did was quickly say goodbye to Leia's brother. I don't know why I then grabbed my rusty old BMX and raced towards the school. Patrick had been an asshole for weeks, but I guess even an asshole doesn't deserve to be treated like a spoiled piece of meat; he was after all a nice guy, at one point.

It took less than five minutes for me to reach the school, I found Patrick flat on his face in the grass next to the sidewalk. When he heard me ride up he rolled over to expose his bruised, swollen, and bloodied face.

"Oh geez," he said. "I thought you were them, again."

"I guess you lost, eh?" I said.

"No. I won," responded Patrick, he by this point was resting on his elbows. "But when I was walking away victorious, with Natalie and Caitlin on my arms," he breathed sharply, his face twisted in pain as he put his left hand on his ribs.

"The Keepers came and beat the shit out of you. And let me guess Natalie and Caitlin just watched," I said finishing his sentence so he didn't have to.

Patrick nodded and put his right arm out for me to lift him up. I did.

"How did you find out?" He asked.

"I was at Leia's when the two of them arrived they mentioned you not having Charizard cards. I figured you lost."

"So you what, came to save me?" Asked Patrick, with a mocking smile.

"Well," I responded. "When you're not being such an asshole, you're an alright guy."

"Thanks," he said.

For a while I walked next to him, with my bike, in silence. Then I figured I would try to lighten the mood, so I said.

"You know, Natalie did mention something else," Patrick raised his left eyebrow and looked at me from the side of the accompanying eye, before I smiled one of those wide goofy smiles that makes you look kind of like an idiot. "She mentioned that she couldn't believe she let you touch her boobs."

We both laughed, Patrick with hint of mourning. Then he asked.

"What about you, you gonna ask Leia to dance next week?"

"Oh, hell yeah," I said.

In the following days Pokémon Cards would be banned from school, Patrick would return to be the guy he once was, Sam and Todd would sulk over their missed opportunity at victory, and Harlow would rejoin our band of nerds. Oh, if you're wondering I did ask Leia to dance. She said no

**You made it to the end! Tell me what you thought, I'd really like to know.  
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